Safety Plan Checklist

Safety Planning While Living with an Abusive Partner

Living with an abusive partner can make it especially hard to identify or create opportunities to leave. Here are some important steps you can take to help prepare to leave an abusive living situation:

Identify your partner’s use and level of force so you can assess the risk of physical danger to yourself and others before it occurs.
Identify safe areas in your residence with pathways to exit, away from any weapons. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas before they escalate.
If safe, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help, including friends or family, The Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233), and your local shelter. Know where the nearest public phone is located.
Let trusted friends and neighbors know about your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you might need their help. Give them clear instructions on who you do or do not want them to contact in moments of crisis, including law enforcement.
Talk to others living in the residence how to get help, including children or roommates. Instruct them not to get involved in violence between you and your partner and work with them to establish a mutual signal for when they should get help or leave the house.
Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night. Ex. multiple trips to the grocery store, spending time with friends, staying at work longer, find unnecessary errands to complete.
If possible, practice how to get out safely, including with others who may be living in the residence
Plan for what to do if your partner finds out about your plan.
If possible, keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and stored as inaccessibly as possible. If you are concerned about your safety, please reach out to an Advocate.
Be mindful of how clothing or jewelry could be used to physically harm you. For example, if your partner has put their hands around your neck, avoid wearing scarves or jewelry that can be used to harm you.
Back your car into your driveway when you park at home and keep it fueled. If possible, keep the driver’s door unlocked with the rest of the doors locked to allow for quick access to the vehicle.
If violence is unavoidable, make yourself as physically small as possible. Move to a corner and curl into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.

Preparing to Leave

The moment of leaving an abusive relationship can happen quickly, but the process of leaving takes an immense amount of courage, planning, and precaution against the risk of violence. Here are several measures you can take to prepare before you actually leave.

Record evidence of physical abuse, like pictures of injuries. If possible, keep a journal of violent incidents, noting dates, events, and any threats made. Store your journal in a safe place.
Establish where you can go to get help. If you’re comfortable doing so, tell someone trusted about what’s happening.
Plan with your children and identify a safe place where they can go during moments of crisis, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
When preparing to go to a shelter, if you can, call ahead to see what the shelter’s policies are. They can give you information on how they can help, and how to secure a space when it’s time to leave. Our advocates can also provide you with local resources.
Try to set money aside or ask trusted friends or family members to hold money for you somewhere an abusive partner can’t reach it.
If relevant and feasible, pursue job skills or educational qualifications that expand your opportunities for independence.

Safety Planning with Children

If you have children, be sure your safety plan includes ways to keep them safe when violence occurs and important details to remember while preparing to leave and after.

Physical safety at home

Teach your children when, how, and who to contact during an emergency.
This can include trusted friends, family members, neighbors, local service providers, and more.
If possible, instruct them to leave the home when situations begin to escalate and establish where they can go. Create a plan ahead of time with trusted people who your children can turn to during a moment of crisis.
Come up with a code word for when to leave the house in an emergency and make sure they know not to tell others what the secret word means.
Identify a room in the house that they can go to when they’re afraid, and something calming they can focus on for comfort.
Instruct them to stay out of areas containing items that could be used to harm them, including kitchens and bathrooms.
Teach them that they shouldn’t try to intervene in moments of violence, even though they may want to protect their parents.
Plan for what you will do if your children tell your partner of your plan, and remember never to blame them for their responses to your partner’s abusive behavior

After You Leave

Your safety plan should always include ways to ensure your continued safety after leaving an abusive relationship. Here are some precautions to consider after you leave:

Change your locks and phone number if possible.
If possible, change your work hours and the route you take to get there.
Alert school authorities of the situation. If there is a protection order in place, provide a copy to the school. Designate who is and is not allowed to pick your children up from school. If possible, change the route taken to transport children to school; if necessary, consider changing your children’s schools.
If you have a protection order, keep a certified copy of it with you at all times, and inform friends, neighbors and employers that you have a protection order in effect. If you move to a new state, register your protection order with the courts in your new state.
Consider renting a post office box or using a trusted friend’s address for your mail (remember that addresses are used for restraining orders and police reports — be careful who you give your address and phone number to). Your state may have an address confidentiality program to protect your privacy after you leave. Contact an advocate to see if your state has this program.
Reschedule appointments that your partner might be aware of.
If possible and necessary, use different stores and frequent different social spots.
Alert neighbors and work colleagues about how and when to seek help if they feel you may be in danger (if you feel comfortable doing so). Be clear about who you do or do not want them to contact, including law enforcement.
Tell people who take care of your children (if you are comfortable doing so) or transport them to/from school and activities. Explain your situation and provide them with a copy of your restraining order if you have one.